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October 19, 2019


[In today's world marriage is overlooked by many, and perverted by others, still as Yahweh's children we need to look at marriage from the scriptures. Some are establishing households with few boundaries, some do not even bother with the appearance of family. As children of Yahweh we need to get it right! So we are going to scriptures for our answers.]


(Gen 2:20-25 KJV) And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. 2:21 And Yahweh Almighty caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 2:22 And the rib, which Yahweh Almighty had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man. 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.


[One man – one woman, separated from his parents. A man needs to be in charge, not under his father, when he takes a wife. A woman may very well need the help of her mother the first few years, even a well trained young woman can not learn to be a wife – except as a wife. The interpersonal relationship of marriage is different for each couple and the best ones begin with respect between the man and his wife.]


(1Sa 1:1-2 KJV) Now there was a certain man of Ramathaimzophim, of mount Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah, the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephrathite: 1:2 And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah: and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.


[Here we have a marriage where a third party has been added. A competitor for the husbands time, affection, finances. A reminder to the childless woman that it was her lack, not her husbands, that she remained childless.]


(1Sa 1:3-5 KJV) And this man went up out of his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice unto Yahweh of hosts in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of Yahweh, were there. 1:4 And when the time was that Elkanah offered, he gave to Peninnah his wife, and to all her sons and her daughters, portions: 1:5 But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion; for he loved Hannah: but Yahweh had shut up her womb.


[He loved Hannah, but he took a second wife! Does that seem loving to anyone, to push aside one person for another. To think that giving better gifts to the rejected would make up for the rejection. If we reject Yahweh's boundaries, but pay a greater tithe are we still His child, or has He become secondary to our greater desires?]


(1Sa 1:6-7 KJV) And her adversary also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because Yahweh had shut up her womb. 1:7 And as he did so year by year, when she went up to the house of Yahweh, so she provoked her; therefore she wept, and did not eat.


[Normally a second wife is just that – second in everything, but apparently that was not so in this household, for she was in the face of Hannah to brag of her children and anything to upset her. This was a household out of order, yet it was a religious household.]


(1Sa 1:8 KJV) Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?


[Better than sons? He has replaced her with another in his bed if not in his heart and yet he thinks what he has left her should be enough. Are our hearts so selfish we cannot see? Is Yahweh happy with our choices when we put anything before Him? Marriage is a covenant between two people only. Anytime another person is added the covenant has been broken.]


(Gen 3:16-19 KJV) Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. 3:17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; 3:18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; 3:19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.


[We know this has come to pass and still is! Certainly a full filled prophecy. This is also the verses used to establish male headship of a household. So what are the boundaries in a believers household?]


(Deu 24:5 KJV)  When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.

(Exo 21:7-11 KJV) And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do. 21:8 If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her. 21:9 And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters. 21:10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. 21:11 And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.


[If a man has a first wife he has given her one year of his undivided attention, if he takes a second wife the second wife cannot have her year for it would take the man from the first wife for a year.

The first wife is entitled to as much of his finances [food and raiment] when he takes a second wife as she had before he made that choice.

Her duty of marriage is more than sex! Family time, personal time one on one alone, public appearances as the wife, etc.. These are all duties of marriage.

A lack of any of these are grounds for the wife to leave, but what happens to her?


What does the phase 'without money mean'?

This woman was purchased with the intent that at sometime she would become the wife of either the father or son of the household. Normally when a slave or bond

person was set free early there was monetary compensation to the purchaser. In this case there would be no repayment for they had not kept their part of the covenant.


Today there are those among us who claim it is their right to have more than one wife if they can support them. We each need to pray for Yahweh's will in this matter. What do we need to consider? How will they be received in the body and by us personally.

We have many among us already who are not asking the states permission to marry or have children. Those who do so need documentation to prove they are indeed a family in case of illness or legal problems.

Years ago a family bible with the family tree filled in was sufficient, today it would be wise to ask a lawyer what your state requires to at least recognize a contractual relationship exists. You need this for your children's sake. We are human and most seek revenge when they are hurting and so boundaries need to be set before the intimacy begins.


The family has always been the scriptural example for our relationship with Yahweh. When we change our rules we need to remember that does not change Yahweh's rules. The family health reflects religions health in the home. Do not forget the example of the two wives, neither was happy nor was there love and acceptance there. How could Yahweh's perfect example be taught in a lasting way when the adults were not living a loving example?]


(Isa 1:16-20 KJV) Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil; 1:17 Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow. 1:18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith Yahweh: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

1:19 If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: 1:20 But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of Yahweh hath spoken it.


[No matter how badly we have erred there is forgiveness after repentance. We have all erred! so we ought to be willing to allow that not all an other's choices were with intent to do harm and we should forgive. Marriage is important! The relationships involved require work, compromise, patience, and respect. These are not emotions, they are choices which we each need to put in their proper place according to Yahweh's view point. May Yahweh's will be done in each of our lives!]


(Mat 19:4-9 KJV)  And He answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female,19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore Almighty hath joined together, let not man put asunder.19:7 They say unto Him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.


[Yahshua plainly states that marriage is forever in Yahweh's eyes. Divorce was not a consideration for it leads to adultery.]


(1Co 7:1-6 KJV)  Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 7:4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 7:6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.


[Marriage to the right person is a life saver, for each looks out for the welfare of the other before self. Paul, an unmarried man, is giving good advice on how to keep the boundaries of a marriage intact.]


(1Co 7:7-9 KJV)  For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of Almighty, one after this manner, and another after that.7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.


[Sex outside marriage was a sin that carried the death penalty in Israel, and in Yahweh's eyes it is still a sin. Yahshua's blood can cover the PAST actions, but if it is still a part of your life you are still sinning and outside the camp.]


(1Co 7:10-11 KJV) And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Master, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.


[If we are married when we come to repentance then we are to remain married, no out in these verses. If you are unhappy in your marriage then you, who have become a new person in Messiah need to seek remedies to heal the marriage relationship. When we realize that some relationships have become so broken and/or poisonous they cannot be sustained and need to be set aside, what do we do?]


(1Co 7:12-15 KJV) But to the rest speak I, not the Master: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they set-apart. 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but Almighty hath called us to peace.


[When people marry and their beliefs change afterward it often causes just such a parting. Scripture tells us we have the promise that if two agree on how Torah is to be walked out here on earth that decision will be accepted in heaven. This may also apply to a mutual agreement to set aside a marriage between two believers. Just because you cannot live together in peace does not say either is an evil person.]


(Mat 18:18-20 KJV) Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of My Father which is in heaven.18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them.]


[I think this could only apply after every avenue, including counseling has been worked through. Marriage on earth is between two imperfect humans and we sometimes need an outside perspective to see things clearer.]


(1Co 7:16 KJV) For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?


[This can only happen when the so called believer is walking the walk without bitterness.]


(1Co 7:17-24 KJV)  But as Almighty hath distributed to every man, as the Master hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. 7:18 Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised. 7:19 Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of Almighty.7:20 Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. 7:21 Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. 7:22 For he that is called in the Master, being a servant, is the Most High's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Messiah's servant. 7:23 Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. 7:24 Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with Almighty.


[If we are earning our way dishonestly that needs to stop, but other than that we are not to use our new standing to excuse changing any of the mentioned circumstances. There is an old saying; 'let us determine to finish as we started'. If we start this walk married we should set our path in a manner to help the marriage, not harm it.]


(1Co 7:25-28 KJV  Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Master: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Master to be faithful. 7:26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. 7:27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 7:28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.


[It is not a sin to marry or remarry, but be careful you are not deceived by the 'eyes' that see an apparently desirable person, and 'ears' that hear a willingness to change if you will allow them into your heart. The same advise applies here as in a marriage reconciliation. Show the changes first, on an on-going basis before commitment.]


(1Co 7:29-35 KJV) But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; 7:30 And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; 7:31 And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away. 7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Master, how he may please the Master: 7:33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Master, that she may be set-apart both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.7:35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Master without distraction.


[The people believed the return of Yahshua might be in their life time so the actions are understandable for the short term. In the long run – Yahshua stated that the law of one wife one husband for life was not something everybody could handle, only those who are called to it. We do not know when the home coming will be but we do know we want to be called to it. I have heard it said that we should let our conscience be our guide, this is fine if that mind has firm Torah boundaries. We are called to obedience to scripture not man's ideas. Life is hard alone, but harder still in an unhealthy marriage so take time before you commit.]


(1Co 7:36-38 KJV) But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. 7:37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. 7:38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.


[The commentators agree this is speaking of a father and daughter. If the daughter is agreed to, or shows signs that she is in need of marriage, she should be married. If both father and daughter agree she would rather remain single to serve the Most High she should be allowed to do so. There is no sin in either decision.]


(1Co 7:39-40 KJV) The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Master. 7:40 But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of Almighty.


[We are not expected to live alone because we were created to be a pair. When a person is emotionally suited to a solitary life marriage should be an option not a requirement. Most were created to pair up and create more believers. After you raise yours, you need to help them raise theirs, even if nobody did it for you. I took my grand children every weekend when my daughter remarried so the new couple could have time to form a solid one on one relationship without the constraints of children in residence. I have had others tell me if their parents or the parents of their spouse would have helped, even once a month, their shaky or destroyed marriage might have/would have had a chance. No matter your preparation for marriage it will not fully prepare you for living with someone else, day-to-day. Like anything worthwhile good marriages take work, dedication, prayer and family support. When our earthly families fall short on support we should find it within the body. Do not be in a hurry, it all takes patience! We have the time to court before marriage and those who do not take the time too dig deep into each others beliefs will have more work after the marriage for they are entering unknown emotional territory and that can tip the balance. Let us as a body of believers strive to lift each other up, and withhold criticism, offer prayers daily, and practical help when able. Our successful marriages are the greatest gift we can give to our Creator, our Savior, ourselves, our children, our extended families, and the unsaved world.]

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